Last night I read a guide on how to actually get out of bed when the alarm clock goes off. The guide points out that when you set the alarm clock the night before, that is your brain’s actual intention. But the next morning when the alarm clock goes off, you say to yourself, “what was I thinking, waking up this early,” and subsequently fall back asleep. There is no actual tactic. I try to force myself out of bed in the morning, but this is impossible. Your body freezes you in bed and forces your eyes closed. This is nature’s way of saying, “you haven’t gotten enough rest, get the fuck back asleep!” Trying to struggle against this, is not normal. It is like running. You get sore and tired, because your body is telling you that something is wrong, and you need to do something about it, fast. In the end, waking up in the morning differs for each person. Not everyone is a morning person. I believe that each person needs and ideal condition to get out of bed. For me, the room has to be at the same temperature as under my covers. If it’s cold, then I simply have no reason to get out of bed. I cannot convince myself to get up, because then I’d be uncomfortable and cold. If someone asked you, “would you like to be uncomfortable and cold,” you would obviously say no.

And then just now, I actually google’d, “how to be responsible.” It’s sad that I have to resort to asking google and then some article telling me how. The reason I even wondered about responsibility is because I’ve been feeling uneasy about my life these past few days. I also, just watched the movie “Knocked Up” again which is an inspirational comedy of sorts. I believe that the only way to be responsible is when everything in my life is under my control. Not sure where I’m going with this topic.

My first semester in college can be considered a failure. I again, did not live up to my full potential. This has been the story of my life since as long as I can remember. I keep hoping that things will change. I always start up each semester thinking I’m getting a fresh start, and that I’m going to be successful for once. But after three weeks of working my ass off, I completely lose the will to even attend class anymore. If the same thing happens to me on the job, then I’m fucked for life.

One thing that I have learned about myself is that I am extremely motivated by money and material items. I’m thinking that this will be the difference between school and work. The reason why I fail so deeply at school, is that I just cannot see the point or any sort of personal gain from the time I spend. When I make money though, my life improves in all aspects. I’ll mention again, that it’s a sorry world we live in where quality of life is directly related to how much money one has. When I am broke, I am depressed.

One release/getaway for me has been my car. My parents and some other cannot view a car as anything more than transportation; but it is so much more than that to me. A car can be a fashion statement, a status symbol, or simply a form of entertainment. My car to me is kind of like a pet to someone else. Even though a dog has little more to offer than companionship, one can bring huge joy to the family. It’s my money pit, my project, my love. It isn’t even working right now, but the car always gets expensive, useless parts, before I get a new pair of shoes.

The purpose of that last paragraph was to stick an image in. Just a little something to spice up this vanilla looking blog. Anyways, I shall try and be more mature/responsible from today on. We’ll see how it pans out.